it was hard to let you go but i did.

i remember those times we had. i was foolish, very. typing all these may seem like one no big deal, but it is actually in fact. a problem shared is a problem halved right? after unsatisfaction(?) takes place when leaving you, i take control then you make it right. then i never see you again. it seems that every little things i do had to do something, making me remember you. and i always had. i hope youre happy now, with whatever you had. i want to say thanks to you, you gave me the guts to have faith in whatever i do. and i overcome it now, i feel very good after years of waiting for it to be demolished from. its just that it comes out more earlier now. because my friends started having them and it reminds me of myself during those days, trying on products to clear it, and now i did.

ive started writing(typing) paragraphs of my life by chapters. mostly it was saved as notes but when im typing my last touch ups for it to be saved, i pressed the red button. like damn. its been more then 2 times it happen, and every time i try to avoid it i cant. maybe i should start writing on papers. i hate it alot because i think, what i wrote is so good that i just unsaved them like that. such a waste of effort. those were like the best paragraphs of my life. and i decide to write on paper can make a big difference.

and Elton john turns 60 alr and he still sings. im into his tribute song to john Lennon a the beetles member, who died in an obsessed fan in front of his new york city apartment on December 8, 1980. Lennon and John were good friends.

ive been reminding people to have a great day and be happy because i am.

miss you(?)

drag me to hell ystd. its was fun. freaky granny kept popping out. hahaha. theres a some sort of scary movie comming, orphan? smth like that. hahha. got to go work today. i wish the holiday would expand another week, due to swine flu and my incomplete homeworks. haha.

crayons, color pencils

remember sesame street? that was mostly what i watch during those days before i went to school at 12.30pm. i still remember what inspired me to love art. on how crayons is made. watch is old video. it may be old, but it brong back those memories. alahai~

and see how faber castel is made, enjoy!

spoiled, condamned.

i dont know wheres all my wrongs and rights. not been thinking about this lately until one day. that one day. i dont even get it. im repeating the same thing again and again, not being able to change it, or even rotate it abit. im horrible, i know. hopeless, fat, ugly i know it all.

im trying to stop the habits. trying to look back at those sins ive made, its heavy. behind you, me, them, they. i dont know. what am i doing. i cant even catch up with my school work. and when i encounter a problem, i leave it, never be able to face it. i think im sick.

those who had a taste of me. thats not who i am, i just cant stop being someone who im not. im even getting used to it. wheres all those nadiah went? its hard. its just that im spoiled, totally.

1pm - 8pm

i think im getting used to the tiredness of working. checked schedule today. they told me im working from 2pm till 10pm tmr, but thank god not closing. then on sunday 8am till 4.30pm. pussycat is feeling better. (: im eating my legendary biscuit, biscuit marie. still the best one ever. had an off day on wed. went out with K (who is not my dad okay?). look on the bright side, life is nice. so welcome to my paradise. k looked so bulat from far. hahaha. k is always trying to be cute. im suppose to call k but why not talk about k here. hahaha. k ohh k ^^

pussycat dont like her stitch

fat girls just wanna have fun, they dont really care dont they? i mean i dont too. haha. so, went to get my typhoid injection today and then went to work. from 10am - 2pm. followed by a free fillet burger and small milo before going home. it wasnt so troublesome as i thought, because ive done that at home. eh, what you see on top is like nadiah d. d for duyung, uuugh. tmr, got art thinggy till 1.30pm then give myself a good rest before going to work at three.

2nd june 09: 8am - 9pm } school + work

meow~ ):

see that baby? shes under the recovering stage. she havent 'meow' yet. still a patient in the house. i miss playing with her. shes going to the animal clinic to get her bandages off tmr. went for interview today. it was nothing much. so im working tmr 9am - 1pm, because its closing early? (tak paham aku) other days im not sure about it. ive been wanting this book.

my injured pussycat

my cat is injured. she got involve in a fight yesterday morning which no one really saw what had happend. theres like bite marks on her left back leg. and a hole on her stomach. after school, i went straight home and change my clothes and take her to the vet. shes so fragile. if you touch any parts of her body which she didnt want you to, shell scratch you. by patience, i manage to get her in the basket and took a cab to the vet. then after waiting then pay and stuffs we went back and then go back there after 7.30. then after she reached home, she felt uneasy, uncomfortable and restless. which i cant stand to see her like that with her big red bandage on her stomach. which she felt angry with whats on her body made a scary sound out of it.

shes fine now, shes sleeping. it made me feel calm. and some parts of her body needs to be shaved to stiching. oh how sad.
i wish i was the one injured.

i feel good!

i did cycling today. under the solo category, i went chinese garden mrt, then west coast, then bukit merah (alexandra) how great can the feeling be? i dont even believe i did it, no one saw me doing it only myself and i. grandmother said, im gonna go slimmer soon since you know. i feel good. so. i swim every tuesday. i need cycling partners, damn. mommy dont let me go alone. so yeah. it took me 2 hours to alexandra and an hour home which i think is good. and i wonder how far is 40 km. (:

happy girl.

i want to be a happy girl, i dont want my fats no more ): that picture was taken yesterday, so its still new. so yuhua cc is organising a cycling trip and i think im gonna register it on monday. its only for 10 bucks with your own bike. whatever it is, i think its a must to join because i wont be alone and therell be people around me. i dont know if i should. i checked the recent cycling trip they had, its from yuhua cc to tuas 40km on 06 or 07 if im not wrong. i wonder is 40km like how far. heeh.

i dont feel alright

1) i feel good. why?
i went swimming for three straight days with 3 different people.

2) i think i feel sad. why?
because im not being myself, and then made up my mind to not use my phone for dont know few days?

3) what song am i listening to right now?
plain white t's - write you a song

4) but then i feel something is wrong. what is it?
things just dont go right at time. theres a situation where later he'll think that i dont care. when im trying to hold on going no where no. i just dont feel good, leave me alone for some time will you?

4) (a)why?
because i know its for my own good and maybe yours too. i wont forget you, i wont. i just want to have a time on my own, i still think of you. my heart still sing your name.

5) my hand hurts. why?
kitty bit me because she lost control of herself because shes mad.

5) (a)why? neighbour had a stray cat lingering outside their house and kitty took actions against it, level three, her territory.

5) (b)does it hurts?
yes. theres this part where she didnt scratch my skin, instead, she insert a little bit of force and did something to my flesh.

i prefer nerds ^^

thats dry ice inside the cup, its from swensens. the cake they bought for my cousin had dry ice around the ice cream cake. and yeah, what do you see on my face? pimples. yeah pimples. you may find it disgusting, yeah i know. it'll soon gone you know. someone is asking me out, to go swimming tmr(again). i wonder if i should. sa1 results is a big disappointment. ill have to fuck up my studies. i saw gabriel's jubo eating his pants. and to dear friend, your pimples will soon be lost. it only need some time and believe. ive gone it through, so dont worry.

saw my cat watching the television.

i guess, i really love her. i woke up late.
had my breakfast early. i bathed late today.
theres a birthday party. my cousin turned nine today.

pimples ):

ever seen a princess sleep?
haha. look at her, and me. i mean, im like a mother of an animal.

and i like it. hahaha. because she only need to bathe once every two weeks. she also alarm me when shes hungry. she have grown now but still on diet i think. shes not tremendously growing, shes only getting fiercer? day by day. oh and thats my house guard. if only i can get a video of me and her fighting. whenever shes really really jealous. shes like humans too. every time she gets angry, she gets more cuter. ok and fiercer?

i knew you're good. i knew i liked you. i knew how i feel.
but theres isn't any love. like a cup of coffee without its coffee.
its still progressing, i hope we're not breaking it. please.
i. try to make the best out of myself, and be proud.
you. dont try to fool me, because im not the one to be fooled with.
im. not a barbie with sexy clothes and petite face and feminine attitude.
because. thats not me.
if,only some days you'd accompany me home with the vanishing sun.
that will be a great ending to my day.
what am i writing?
stories of a cat owner fairytale.

how happy can i be?

exams over. yessssa! but not art. art lessons as usual like other mondays and fridays. now you wont find me with my bike together. we're not allowed to, due to some unusual things. i bet kitty got jealous when i went home with some other cat perfumes on me. i miss cycling, and you. why are you so cute? and im getting fatter. heee.

broken line, no communication, no.

09 May 2009

i love to make my story long when theres a straight way to understand it. life has been nearly unfair, theres lack of activities.
because lately im busy(?) how can i know?
if my father is really desperate to have dinner with the 3 of us everynight? or even present myself to my house other than doing something else? you've never understand. but how could, i. what more can i do, i mean, the only thing i can afford to do is just listen. how bad can it be?
i mean i dont talk to you, because i rather talk to a book and explain why. the book will listen right? if i were to talk to you would you want to listen and respect my opinion? the greatest thing ive had is the paper and pen. how can writing to a book be a better listener than you?
how can you? lack of attention to a child? i dont think ill do that if i have one. because theres a broken line that need to be mend.

mathematics paper to be done. and art exam is coming near and ive done nothing much on the concentrated theme. and i think im no longer using my phone. this came from myself. i mean theres a house phone right? because i just think that my parents will be more happier to see me with no phone and just more assignments on the table. theres more pimples today. i dont know why. i seem to be out of control, i can tolerate better with pimples than my parents. then there 'll be no communication.

oh sweetheart, i like you. but i guess its not my choice to choose right?
no.

been waken up by you. how great can it be?

the first thing i listened to, is your voice.

watched x men yesterday. at vivo. took 30.

mentos mint. long john silver. cheesy hot dogs. coke.
(BLISTERS)

it was great, wasnt it?

pink and black goggles

bought pink and black goggles. ate lunch at kfc jurong east swimming complex. waited for the rain to stop. waved goodbye to suzy. then, went to swim alone, the deep pool, cause i miss swimming. my thigh and arms are super tired due to breast stroke. should have some warmups before swimming, but i didnt. theres many banglas taking time off and i wonder why. why arnt they working? lol. took 98 home, the bus is like a tin of sardines full of people.

signed the treaty of versailles. an agreement to work at macdonalds during june holidays. i know im not under the FAS, financial. yeah but i think i used my parents money for granted and its time to feel the burden they felt when they worked. i found guilty of myself. its time to shutup and face it and feel that i deserve to get it.

asked my classmate is it wierd going swimming alone. majority said yes. still a no for me. im independent ey? cycling alone, home alone, swimming alone. whats next. oh i still got my day-night buddy.

gonna get my toy tmr, and none knows about this ^^

soxial studies and englixh

spread love before the paper started. i was giving the early birds sweets. heart shaped sweets, black current flavoured. how nice can i be? oh and i love mummy. wasted paper during examinations. i asked for more papers and made my own art lesson. cut fine lines through with pen knives. i dont care about the table anyway. but i had to throw it away ): ill make more soon and post it up. days' fine. just fine. i slept long enough to keep myself awake at night. so now, theres energy, its time to use it.

English: I'm hungry.
French: J'ai faim.
Italian: Sono affamato.

stronger stronger!

not like the other days. satisfaction? haha nadiah nadiah. so, social studies and poa. soso gonna fail poa. damn. i was late on the friday. lol. hahaha. hahaha rambot mangkokbawang.

only up for 2 weeks.

i spread bacteria during chemistry class, its everywhere on my hand. i fill up more than 5 litres to my washingmachine, and after a few mintues, its fkingly full. what i did was i had to scoop half of the water like 3 litres with a cup and fishing pail, i hope my mom didnt find this out. rafly spoiled a chair by making an renactment on masturbating, it my look disgusting but funny. i made a new friend, her name is biyan shes 13. im so excited about tonight movie on okto. les choristes on demand, for the second time.

im feeling my addiction for ciggarettes but im still holding on. im thinking of hangging this account, changes will be made, im up to something new. new pictures. im thinking to do something that can satisfy inner self, cause i find it bored, really really. im making friendster again, i dont even know why. gonna hang every account i have. going to delete all pictures. soon theres nothing that you can find about me on the net. only my msn is active.

renewing myspace, friendster, blog, facebook.
see you soon.

hansplast

my life isnt interesting so why not something not related to my life?

PIERCINGS! PIERCINGS! PIERCINGS!
I don't even know why, I want to talk about it.
(I'm weak, i don't pierce) Have your limit gone over or you think it's okay to have more? Some piercings in the world, didn't turn out nice but painful instead. The act of piercing is to show braveness and attraction obviously. Look it at a different point, if you would take piercings for beauty, then wheres your real beauty? Frankly speaking, I've been thinking of piercing. But why? I have my own hidden beauty. Everyone has one.
And not forgetting, Elaine Davidson the pierce goddess.

"So where do you wanna pierce?"

am i?

i dont think i want to blog. because theres nothing interesting to be talked about. internet will no longer be something we need, everyone will get bored with what we have one day, one day not now but soon that one day. went singapore expo john little mega sale, worth the 1 hour journey to and back. im fine with my world. i dont have anyone special, i treat everyone the same. i want to cycle from:
home - jurong lake park - the deeper jurong lake - chinese garden mrt - home in a shoter time. i get irritated easily when my mother kept asking me things i probably wont answer. theres nothing interesting in my life, so why must update? the more i look at boys, the longer im staying single. why?
cause you feel that they're yours and you thought that you belonged to someone then actually you dont. when the fact is that the reason is like what fuck im saying i dont understand. hahaha. im happy with self.

hey, i dont know whether i should delete this blog or what. i dont even know is there still readers out there reading. im busy with school work i think. i dont even have time to chat at times, the number of my internet friends is going down. and ive been not saving money recently, due to food. maybe i should start a systematic way to save and see the saving results if i save after 10 years. ive got this feeling. i dont know what i want. what i want i dont need. what i need i dont want. screw art. ca1 results is bad. i dont aim high, its not that i dont want you see. i just want to see myself improve. school is great? maybe just fine. i dont even understand why must i talk when the teacher is talking. i only realise it during chem. sec 3 camp up on june, shit. like why? sg locals not bad ey, somehow or maybe they can be like peterpan one day. hoho. i always feel im lack of something. but what is it?

those times we.

had integrated immersion school programme for 5 days its worth staying 5 days in philippine but not worth taking pictures of it. i feel great. im dead at home, bored, no one nothing at all. not worth thinking of going out, when you dont own a penny^^ cooked bread and cheese dipped with eggs. i think its gonna rain. philipinos look more like malay and chinese. hahaha. bought some stuffs for myself. chocolate oreo without pearl satu!