you drove me to my religious class since 8 years old and till now still, driving me there, and drive me home. at that time, i knewure the best. when i was 9 you started paking me food to school. sometimes i didnt even eat it cause im ashamed of doing it infront of my friends. when i was 10 i had a parents meeting session. i was ashamed too. cause of what youre wearing. then all the years passed. imagine, all the best days, best birthdays of mine when i was young and then all gone after the years i lived. this isnt whati expected. but then life is always unfair. i appericiate but why. no, please. but if you really have to. then. theres nothing i can do. every motion you do, theres a clue. yes im sad. no i dont hate.

i heard my cat snoring, cute sound. haha!

(im hungry in actual fact.)

(no matter how bad you bite me, i still love you kittiy!)

went home straight yesterday, cos im werking at 3. called the store, and my name wasnt in the schedule. so i went to sleep. then at 6.30pm i went out and ate lunch+dinner at mac superbowl alone. waited for the right time to go jp. texted k,i,a,q. after finishing my meal, i went off to jp to meet q. we window shopped. then went home, before going home, went kedai cine. then went home. called a when im at home cos im bored.

wants:
1) that striking pink bag
2) eat chocolate, like no tmr.
3) that kube thinggy.
4) nasi briyani, cos im hungry!

absorbency, hahaha!

(is nadiah muscular or what? ahaha. its not mass. syazwani is like a mantis that nadiah wna eat.)

ive been good, i even tell my teacher the real reason why i didnt attend school cos i cant hide it anymore. ive been so stubborn, im doing things people wished i wouldnt. i had pe with S today. hahaha. i bet i can run alr. hahahha. i ate so many things today, this and that, chocolate fudge slice, lemon barley, junks junks. ive checked my weight. its still 62kg. told mom about my weight, she said, she weigh 69kg. whatever lah mom. haha.

my mommeh's height: 1.69cm
my mommeh's weight: 69kg
my height: 1.62cm

my weight: 62kg

(how cool?)

im missing someone, a friend.

how do i miss him?

cos of time, that flies.

and avoidency(?) is produced.

that brought(?) us apart.

as if we never see each other again.

and its sad. really really sad.

no paint to paint.

milk tea in the morning. the sky said, " ill be crying. " i didnt attend school, the reason is why? alah, you know this that this that? hahaha. mood for school isnt there. my art teachers is trying to make me come to sch. cos today theres art lesson for 2 hours and a papercut lesson. damn. nevermind, i can do my self ah ok? i wanted to paint my final piece but. theres no paint, no paint to paint. how? haha. i think i final piece look somehow wierd but the meaning is there. theme: flight. meaning: the act of fly, escape and stuff. i wanted to touch and try drums. ive been wanting but im not desperate ahaha. guitar lessons? ahaha am i like born not to learn it?
only one particular song will do.
just one. why, one?
cos ill play it for you, you?
yes just you, no one else gonna hear it.
just you and me. you'll hear me, singing.
ill sing till dawn, ill forget the world.
cos ive been waiting for that moment.
to come with you, top of the treehouse,
and the song, ill play and sing.
like thats the only song i know.

once upon a time, nadiah went cycling.

then nadiah fell down. then i got minor injuries.

i take a good look on my knee, it wasnt really bleeding.

but i know, i got bruises on my knee for you, haha.

tuesday's, friday's and saturday's

end of holidays, suck it. dont want to hear the word school/homeworks/teachers. overall it was ok. nothing much, just more laughing gas in class. even the dm's can make us laugh with his effortless words. monday schedule as per normal. still, home at four. can you imagine? 8am - 4pm, its only that i dont sleep,eat,shit in school. ive decided to work. because thats the only thing i can do other than cycling not very far, or sleep like a pig. might as well do something. tuesday's, friday's and saturday's. and so my life is going to change. i work, not the cause of family problems of money shortage, no. its just that i founf something to pour all my boredom hours left with studying after that. soon, ill not be free as always. and im sure ill miss more people.

nadiah's such places.

so ystd there'll be a party at three. damn, i havent finish my holidays assignment. when will i get to finish it? i feel dumb and numb everytime i see my assignment paper. im not in the right atmosphere to do it. haha. the party was ok? hahha, i got no mood for the lunch they prepared so i didnt ate them when i actually should. cos on th way home along taking 154 while reading my favourite book, i felt like i need a plastic bag to vomit. but i hold them down on my throat. today, the first morning, i texted fred. and slept back, then woke up, i cant talk. theres like flam in my throat? ahaha, then i have to swallow many many saliva just to talk. i cant believe i slept with a light pink mango tee. hahaha. nadiah nadiah.

eventually, fred wasnt his real name,
but it sounded better if fred was his real name.

all black buddy, k.

met k today, since he cant come here, why not i come to his place kan? i went to admiralty. left house at like 3.30 plus. i was wearing something real plain, long sleeves black strechable tee. cos it was raining and drizzling. im nearly finishing my book, the one im reading now. maybe im going to buy more books after finishing reading that one. i find it addictive. ate dinner with k. haha, it was my treat. baik kan? world seem so fine alahai, i like. then went home. reach about 8.15pm. then at 9pm went out again. haha then back at home at 9.30pm. so much of going out even its near. maybe i find it suffocating staying at home, the air didnt circulate with the fresher ones. and so my pussycat is sleeping inside my wardrobe, buat ape kan. cold agaknye. gonna have crew party tmr at king albert tmr. whohhhooooo~

decease of the young love, died in a tragic argument.

Feat. Dewey(?/!/.)

i bought the book that i wanted alr, its been a week its been with me and im reading it. another half to go. reading that book dont make me feel such a burden to read alot, i mean i cant believe it its even half. its so touching at certain parts. its just vicki myron stories that made me continue reading. went to work today and end at 1, then went home straight because my family is going karaoke. ahhhaa. its been a year since we didnt karaoke. its opposite hard rock cafe sg. every one get to sing at least like 5 songs? hahaha. i feel that i didnt get to choose my right song, when then last 5 minutes, i found stratovarious - black diamond. hahha. like my turn like that. cant sing well, cehhhhhhh, because the air con is too cool(?) ahahaha, so the not the correct word. i mean not appropriate. if the sun is smiling tmr, im gonna cycle again. same destination. jurong to alexandra alone. i better not tell anyone.

its my little(?) secret!

it was hard to let you go but i did.

i remember those times we had. i was foolish, very. typing all these may seem like one no big deal, but it is actually in fact. a problem shared is a problem halved right? after unsatisfaction(?) takes place when leaving you, i take control then you make it right. then i never see you again. it seems that every little things i do had to do something, making me remember you. and i always had. i hope youre happy now, with whatever you had. i want to say thanks to you, you gave me the guts to have faith in whatever i do. and i overcome it now, i feel very good after years of waiting for it to be demolished from. its just that it comes out more earlier now. because my friends started having them and it reminds me of myself during those days, trying on products to clear it, and now i did.

ive started writing(typing) paragraphs of my life by chapters. mostly it was saved as notes but when im typing my last touch ups for it to be saved, i pressed the red button. like damn. its been more then 2 times it happen, and every time i try to avoid it i cant. maybe i should start writing on papers. i hate it alot because i think, what i wrote is so good that i just unsaved them like that. such a waste of effort. those were like the best paragraphs of my life. and i decide to write on paper can make a big difference.

and Elton john turns 60 alr and he still sings. im into his tribute song to john Lennon a the beetles member, who died in an obsessed fan in front of his new york city apartment on December 8, 1980. Lennon and John were good friends.

ive been reminding people to have a great day and be happy because i am.

miss you(?)

drag me to hell ystd. its was fun. freaky granny kept popping out. hahaha. theres a some sort of scary movie comming, orphan? smth like that. hahha. got to go work today. i wish the holiday would expand another week, due to swine flu and my incomplete homeworks. haha.

crayons, color pencils

remember sesame street? that was mostly what i watch during those days before i went to school at 12.30pm. i still remember what inspired me to love art. on how crayons is made. watch is old video. it may be old, but it brong back those memories. alahai~

and see how faber castel is made, enjoy!

spoiled, condamned.

i dont know wheres all my wrongs and rights. not been thinking about this lately until one day. that one day. i dont even get it. im repeating the same thing again and again, not being able to change it, or even rotate it abit. im horrible, i know. hopeless, fat, ugly i know it all.

im trying to stop the habits. trying to look back at those sins ive made, its heavy. behind you, me, them, they. i dont know. what am i doing. i cant even catch up with my school work. and when i encounter a problem, i leave it, never be able to face it. i think im sick.

those who had a taste of me. thats not who i am, i just cant stop being someone who im not. im even getting used to it. wheres all those nadiah went? its hard. its just that im spoiled, totally.

1pm - 8pm

i think im getting used to the tiredness of working. checked schedule today. they told me im working from 2pm till 10pm tmr, but thank god not closing. then on sunday 8am till 4.30pm. pussycat is feeling better. (: im eating my legendary biscuit, biscuit marie. still the best one ever. had an off day on wed. went out with K (who is not my dad okay?). look on the bright side, life is nice. so welcome to my paradise. k looked so bulat from far. hahaha. k is always trying to be cute. im suppose to call k but why not talk about k here. hahaha. k ohh k ^^

pussycat dont like her stitch

fat girls just wanna have fun, they dont really care dont they? i mean i dont too. haha. so, went to get my typhoid injection today and then went to work. from 10am - 2pm. followed by a free fillet burger and small milo before going home. it wasnt so troublesome as i thought, because ive done that at home. eh, what you see on top is like nadiah d. d for duyung, uuugh. tmr, got art thinggy till 1.30pm then give myself a good rest before going to work at three.

2nd june 09: 8am - 9pm } school + work

meow~ ):

see that baby? shes under the recovering stage. she havent 'meow' yet. still a patient in the house. i miss playing with her. shes going to the animal clinic to get her bandages off tmr. went for interview today. it was nothing much. so im working tmr 9am - 1pm, because its closing early? (tak paham aku) other days im not sure about it. ive been wanting this book.

my injured pussycat

my cat is injured. she got involve in a fight yesterday morning which no one really saw what had happend. theres like bite marks on her left back leg. and a hole on her stomach. after school, i went straight home and change my clothes and take her to the vet. shes so fragile. if you touch any parts of her body which she didnt want you to, shell scratch you. by patience, i manage to get her in the basket and took a cab to the vet. then after waiting then pay and stuffs we went back and then go back there after 7.30. then after she reached home, she felt uneasy, uncomfortable and restless. which i cant stand to see her like that with her big red bandage on her stomach. which she felt angry with whats on her body made a scary sound out of it.

shes fine now, shes sleeping. it made me feel calm. and some parts of her body needs to be shaved to stiching. oh how sad.
i wish i was the one injured.

i feel good!

i did cycling today. under the solo category, i went chinese garden mrt, then west coast, then bukit merah (alexandra) how great can the feeling be? i dont even believe i did it, no one saw me doing it only myself and i. grandmother said, im gonna go slimmer soon since you know. i feel good. so. i swim every tuesday. i need cycling partners, damn. mommy dont let me go alone. so yeah. it took me 2 hours to alexandra and an hour home which i think is good. and i wonder how far is 40 km. (:

happy girl.

i want to be a happy girl, i dont want my fats no more ): that picture was taken yesterday, so its still new. so yuhua cc is organising a cycling trip and i think im gonna register it on monday. its only for 10 bucks with your own bike. whatever it is, i think its a must to join because i wont be alone and therell be people around me. i dont know if i should. i checked the recent cycling trip they had, its from yuhua cc to tuas 40km on 06 or 07 if im not wrong. i wonder is 40km like how far. heeh.

i dont feel alright

1) i feel good. why?
i went swimming for three straight days with 3 different people.

2) i think i feel sad. why?
because im not being myself, and then made up my mind to not use my phone for dont know few days?

3) what song am i listening to right now?
plain white t's - write you a song

4) but then i feel something is wrong. what is it?
things just dont go right at time. theres a situation where later he'll think that i dont care. when im trying to hold on going no where no. i just dont feel good, leave me alone for some time will you?

4) (a)why?
because i know its for my own good and maybe yours too. i wont forget you, i wont. i just want to have a time on my own, i still think of you. my heart still sing your name.

5) my hand hurts. why?
kitty bit me because she lost control of herself because shes mad.

5) (a)why? neighbour had a stray cat lingering outside their house and kitty took actions against it, level three, her territory.

5) (b)does it hurts?
yes. theres this part where she didnt scratch my skin, instead, she insert a little bit of force and did something to my flesh.

i prefer nerds ^^

thats dry ice inside the cup, its from swensens. the cake they bought for my cousin had dry ice around the ice cream cake. and yeah, what do you see on my face? pimples. yeah pimples. you may find it disgusting, yeah i know. it'll soon gone you know. someone is asking me out, to go swimming tmr(again). i wonder if i should. sa1 results is a big disappointment. ill have to fuck up my studies. i saw gabriel's jubo eating his pants. and to dear friend, your pimples will soon be lost. it only need some time and believe. ive gone it through, so dont worry.

saw my cat watching the television.

i guess, i really love her. i woke up late.
had my breakfast early. i bathed late today.
theres a birthday party. my cousin turned nine today.

pimples ):

ever seen a princess sleep?
haha. look at her, and me. i mean, im like a mother of an animal.

and i like it. hahaha. because she only need to bathe once every two weeks. she also alarm me when shes hungry. she have grown now but still on diet i think. shes not tremendously growing, shes only getting fiercer? day by day. oh and thats my house guard. if only i can get a video of me and her fighting. whenever shes really really jealous. shes like humans too. every time she gets angry, she gets more cuter. ok and fiercer?

i knew you're good. i knew i liked you. i knew how i feel.
but theres isn't any love. like a cup of coffee without its coffee.
its still progressing, i hope we're not breaking it. please.
i. try to make the best out of myself, and be proud.
you. dont try to fool me, because im not the one to be fooled with.
im. not a barbie with sexy clothes and petite face and feminine attitude.
because. thats not me.
if,only some days you'd accompany me home with the vanishing sun.
that will be a great ending to my day.
what am i writing?
stories of a cat owner fairytale.

how happy can i be?

exams over. yessssa! but not art. art lessons as usual like other mondays and fridays. now you wont find me with my bike together. we're not allowed to, due to some unusual things. i bet kitty got jealous when i went home with some other cat perfumes on me. i miss cycling, and you. why are you so cute? and im getting fatter. heee.

broken line, no communication, no.

09 May 2009

i love to make my story long when theres a straight way to understand it. life has been nearly unfair, theres lack of activities.
because lately im busy(?) how can i know?
if my father is really desperate to have dinner with the 3 of us everynight? or even present myself to my house other than doing something else? you've never understand. but how could, i. what more can i do, i mean, the only thing i can afford to do is just listen. how bad can it be?
i mean i dont talk to you, because i rather talk to a book and explain why. the book will listen right? if i were to talk to you would you want to listen and respect my opinion? the greatest thing ive had is the paper and pen. how can writing to a book be a better listener than you?
how can you? lack of attention to a child? i dont think ill do that if i have one. because theres a broken line that need to be mend.

mathematics paper to be done. and art exam is coming near and ive done nothing much on the concentrated theme. and i think im no longer using my phone. this came from myself. i mean theres a house phone right? because i just think that my parents will be more happier to see me with no phone and just more assignments on the table. theres more pimples today. i dont know why. i seem to be out of control, i can tolerate better with pimples than my parents. then there 'll be no communication.

oh sweetheart, i like you. but i guess its not my choice to choose right?
no.