i dont feel alright

1) i feel good. why?
i went swimming for three straight days with 3 different people.

2) i think i feel sad. why?
because im not being myself, and then made up my mind to not use my phone for dont know few days?

3) what song am i listening to right now?
plain white t's - write you a song

4) but then i feel something is wrong. what is it?
things just dont go right at time. theres a situation where later he'll think that i dont care. when im trying to hold on going no where no. i just dont feel good, leave me alone for some time will you?

4) (a)why?
because i know its for my own good and maybe yours too. i wont forget you, i wont. i just want to have a time on my own, i still think of you. my heart still sing your name.

5) my hand hurts. why?
kitty bit me because she lost control of herself because shes mad.

5) (a)why? neighbour had a stray cat lingering outside their house and kitty took actions against it, level three, her territory.

5) (b)does it hurts?
yes. theres this part where she didnt scratch my skin, instead, she insert a little bit of force and did something to my flesh.

i prefer nerds ^^

thats dry ice inside the cup, its from swensens. the cake they bought for my cousin had dry ice around the ice cream cake. and yeah, what do you see on my face? pimples. yeah pimples. you may find it disgusting, yeah i know. it'll soon gone you know. someone is asking me out, to go swimming tmr(again). i wonder if i should. sa1 results is a big disappointment. ill have to fuck up my studies. i saw gabriel's jubo eating his pants. and to dear friend, your pimples will soon be lost. it only need some time and believe. ive gone it through, so dont worry.

saw my cat watching the television.

i guess, i really love her. i woke up late.
had my breakfast early. i bathed late today.
theres a birthday party. my cousin turned nine today.

pimples ):

ever seen a princess sleep?
haha. look at her, and me. i mean, im like a mother of an animal.

and i like it. hahaha. because she only need to bathe once every two weeks. she also alarm me when shes hungry. she have grown now but still on diet i think. shes not tremendously growing, shes only getting fiercer? day by day. oh and thats my house guard. if only i can get a video of me and her fighting. whenever shes really really jealous. shes like humans too. every time she gets angry, she gets more cuter. ok and fiercer?

i knew you're good. i knew i liked you. i knew how i feel.
but theres isn't any love. like a cup of coffee without its coffee.
its still progressing, i hope we're not breaking it. please.
i. try to make the best out of myself, and be proud.
you. dont try to fool me, because im not the one to be fooled with.
im. not a barbie with sexy clothes and petite face and feminine attitude.
because. thats not me.
if,only some days you'd accompany me home with the vanishing sun.
that will be a great ending to my day.
what am i writing?
stories of a cat owner fairytale.

how happy can i be?

exams over. yessssa! but not art. art lessons as usual like other mondays and fridays. now you wont find me with my bike together. we're not allowed to, due to some unusual things. i bet kitty got jealous when i went home with some other cat perfumes on me. i miss cycling, and you. why are you so cute? and im getting fatter. heee.

broken line, no communication, no.

09 May 2009

i love to make my story long when theres a straight way to understand it. life has been nearly unfair, theres lack of activities.
because lately im busy(?) how can i know?
if my father is really desperate to have dinner with the 3 of us everynight? or even present myself to my house other than doing something else? you've never understand. but how could, i. what more can i do, i mean, the only thing i can afford to do is just listen. how bad can it be?
i mean i dont talk to you, because i rather talk to a book and explain why. the book will listen right? if i were to talk to you would you want to listen and respect my opinion? the greatest thing ive had is the paper and pen. how can writing to a book be a better listener than you?
how can you? lack of attention to a child? i dont think ill do that if i have one. because theres a broken line that need to be mend.

mathematics paper to be done. and art exam is coming near and ive done nothing much on the concentrated theme. and i think im no longer using my phone. this came from myself. i mean theres a house phone right? because i just think that my parents will be more happier to see me with no phone and just more assignments on the table. theres more pimples today. i dont know why. i seem to be out of control, i can tolerate better with pimples than my parents. then there 'll be no communication.

oh sweetheart, i like you. but i guess its not my choice to choose right?
no.

been waken up by you. how great can it be?

the first thing i listened to, is your voice.

watched x men yesterday. at vivo. took 30.

mentos mint. long john silver. cheesy hot dogs. coke.
(BLISTERS)

it was great, wasnt it?

pink and black goggles

bought pink and black goggles. ate lunch at kfc jurong east swimming complex. waited for the rain to stop. waved goodbye to suzy. then, went to swim alone, the deep pool, cause i miss swimming. my thigh and arms are super tired due to breast stroke. should have some warmups before swimming, but i didnt. theres many banglas taking time off and i wonder why. why arnt they working? lol. took 98 home, the bus is like a tin of sardines full of people.

signed the treaty of versailles. an agreement to work at macdonalds during june holidays. i know im not under the FAS, financial. yeah but i think i used my parents money for granted and its time to feel the burden they felt when they worked. i found guilty of myself. its time to shutup and face it and feel that i deserve to get it.

asked my classmate is it wierd going swimming alone. majority said yes. still a no for me. im independent ey? cycling alone, home alone, swimming alone. whats next. oh i still got my day-night buddy.

gonna get my toy tmr, and none knows about this ^^

soxial studies and englixh

spread love before the paper started. i was giving the early birds sweets. heart shaped sweets, black current flavoured. how nice can i be? oh and i love mummy. wasted paper during examinations. i asked for more papers and made my own art lesson. cut fine lines through with pen knives. i dont care about the table anyway. but i had to throw it away ): ill make more soon and post it up. days' fine. just fine. i slept long enough to keep myself awake at night. so now, theres energy, its time to use it.

English: I'm hungry.
French: J'ai faim.
Italian: Sono affamato.

stronger stronger!

not like the other days. satisfaction? haha nadiah nadiah. so, social studies and poa. soso gonna fail poa. damn. i was late on the friday. lol. hahaha. hahaha rambot mangkokbawang.

only up for 2 weeks.

i spread bacteria during chemistry class, its everywhere on my hand. i fill up more than 5 litres to my washingmachine, and after a few mintues, its fkingly full. what i did was i had to scoop half of the water like 3 litres with a cup and fishing pail, i hope my mom didnt find this out. rafly spoiled a chair by making an renactment on masturbating, it my look disgusting but funny. i made a new friend, her name is biyan shes 13. im so excited about tonight movie on okto. les choristes on demand, for the second time.

im feeling my addiction for ciggarettes but im still holding on. im thinking of hangging this account, changes will be made, im up to something new. new pictures. im thinking to do something that can satisfy inner self, cause i find it bored, really really. im making friendster again, i dont even know why. gonna hang every account i have. going to delete all pictures. soon theres nothing that you can find about me on the net. only my msn is active.

renewing myspace, friendster, blog, facebook.
see you soon.

hansplast

my life isnt interesting so why not something not related to my life?

PIERCINGS! PIERCINGS! PIERCINGS!
I don't even know why, I want to talk about it.
(I'm weak, i don't pierce) Have your limit gone over or you think it's okay to have more? Some piercings in the world, didn't turn out nice but painful instead. The act of piercing is to show braveness and attraction obviously. Look it at a different point, if you would take piercings for beauty, then wheres your real beauty? Frankly speaking, I've been thinking of piercing. But why? I have my own hidden beauty. Everyone has one.
And not forgetting, Elaine Davidson the pierce goddess.

"So where do you wanna pierce?"

am i?

i dont think i want to blog. because theres nothing interesting to be talked about. internet will no longer be something we need, everyone will get bored with what we have one day, one day not now but soon that one day. went singapore expo john little mega sale, worth the 1 hour journey to and back. im fine with my world. i dont have anyone special, i treat everyone the same. i want to cycle from:
home - jurong lake park - the deeper jurong lake - chinese garden mrt - home in a shoter time. i get irritated easily when my mother kept asking me things i probably wont answer. theres nothing interesting in my life, so why must update? the more i look at boys, the longer im staying single. why?
cause you feel that they're yours and you thought that you belonged to someone then actually you dont. when the fact is that the reason is like what fuck im saying i dont understand. hahaha. im happy with self.

hey, i dont know whether i should delete this blog or what. i dont even know is there still readers out there reading. im busy with school work i think. i dont even have time to chat at times, the number of my internet friends is going down. and ive been not saving money recently, due to food. maybe i should start a systematic way to save and see the saving results if i save after 10 years. ive got this feeling. i dont know what i want. what i want i dont need. what i need i dont want. screw art. ca1 results is bad. i dont aim high, its not that i dont want you see. i just want to see myself improve. school is great? maybe just fine. i dont even understand why must i talk when the teacher is talking. i only realise it during chem. sec 3 camp up on june, shit. like why? sg locals not bad ey, somehow or maybe they can be like peterpan one day. hoho. i always feel im lack of something. but what is it?

those times we.

had integrated immersion school programme for 5 days its worth staying 5 days in philippine but not worth taking pictures of it. i feel great. im dead at home, bored, no one nothing at all. not worth thinking of going out, when you dont own a penny^^ cooked bread and cheese dipped with eggs. i think its gonna rain. philipinos look more like malay and chinese. hahaha. bought some stuffs for myself. chocolate oreo without pearl satu!

chubby cute boys

help me get my tummy fats go to my wrist can?

-sun eclipse
the sun eclipse was awsome. regret if you dont catch it. its making the move again on the 22 july if im not wrong, this time, indonesia will have the full view of it. it took me 4 shades to see it when science centre provides free eyewear to see the sun eclipse and it dosent look like 4 shades of mine. -.-"

-math quiz
failed math quiz. 9/25 is this good or what. sheeesh.

-my fats
errr, fats. ok fats. what? you said im keeping tyres around my stomach. fzck you.
haha.

-my pimples
ok, pimples. im feeling the change but i dont really can see it. but still to me its a big difference on the feel of the face. you cant really tell by the look of it. lol

-that feeling
im feeling the freedom in me. no more this and that. its all about the major crush in school which only one person that knows, and thats me. hahaha. i like school. because im surrounded by chubby cute boys in school.

on hiatus

what abang fir say is true. i dont even know why must i do like that. im not being myself these days. i dont even know why im rushing when i dont need to. i hope after this theres no more of shit. i need more friends, i dont care what type they are. id love to keep many things to keep me busy, other than blogging or even do my mspace or msn. having msn is not the worth if only i long in a year after. no-one need or even miss me. i know im nothing but atleast. i want to keep myself busy with school,family,friends,things that is link to future. this may also be the last time im blogging. not that i dont blog no more. ive been heavily influenced and i dont want that. anything text me: 81467231 thanks abang fir. still im looking forward to see you, i know ill wait. your the only brother i trust.haha i dont know if this post worth.
i find a place where i can feel pretty.
i find having a relationship is not the worth if theres a huge age gap,they'll never understand.
i find out that i dont want to be an absentee in school like last year.
i find my parents understanding.
i find whats not in me.
i find out that im not heartbroken or in love or any other feelings.
i find out that im still an anti social girl after 14 years.
i find that i dont mind people critise me, do whatever you want.
i find that people dont like me, but thats who i am.
i find that i love strict teachers, they're still the best.
i find out that i love art actually, like romeo and juliet falls in love.

anything text me: 81467231 will post another post soon.
maybe february 7th, my birthday.

famous questions in jan

this holiday. i babysit animals instead of babies. learned new songs. drink more chocolate oreo bubble tea. adding fats naturally. be nice to my love. shutup even if someones late. help ants to carry a pinch of sugar to their home. cut my hair. cant wait to get a new partner in class. autocad lessons starting in 5 days time.

didnt get me in to your trap. consider yourself a failure bitch, take it.

ive learnt something new about me, ok shutup. school is near, ive completed my homework but i need some touch ups. my cat is allways cute, i know. i dont want me and my siblings to end up at a child abuse centre. will be purchasing my books on the 26 dec. i miss eating chocolate, im avoiding it. i like apple with aloe vera. i want braces. im a mummys girl, believe me.

i want chocolate oreo/oreo crush ):

ben ohhhh ben~

ok shut up i know. my fringe -.- kenape rambot mesti lobang? fugly face, un straight fringe is what you see on my face. i never thought that cycling is fun ok lol. come on people, cycle. dont run ^^

(thank you)

i got no idea why things end up this way or has it ended? I'm not sure. i hate to elaborate things I'm not sure of. tough I'm strong that i came up to this far. yet i couldn't take it. I've been enduring all along. whatever little stuffs that brought you far from me is counted, don't ever think I'm blind. i don't do actions for your reactions for the first time. once i think its too much, then ill make a move. there's not point of blaming, cause later you think I'm thinking negative then you ask yourself should/could you be sorry or even whats with me blaming you. there's also no point of crying. wasted tears are just wipers. I've never hate you as a part of this, Ive never. id tell myself that you're here and i don't need to worry. but I'm wrong. and yes, you're right. there's no point of typing all these if i never change (because i don't know how to, i am me) I'm blind (especially when it comes to you, cause I've been blinded by you) tell me if you don't know why I'm typing all these. anyway, I'm just telling you, that Ive been hurt by you so what big fuck? nobody cares.

14 days countdown.

(thats my child? why not? )

lits like 11:11AM now. i dont know what to do. ive been busy with my english assignment. and i wonder if theres any mothertongue homework, i felt there is but i got no idea whats it about. wth nadiah. you're busy with your english assignment when its only like 13th december. my sec3 books are not purchased yet. still i dont feel like buying, i must be crazy(pt.1) i hate to hide my music playlist actually. (lol) ill reveal it later. confem lagu bnyk merepek. i was awaken by my sister singing inside the toliet. i wish she wouldnt sing because every word entered my hears is like im entering hell ochestra. and also soon will be linking people bcause imma soo bad, people link me i never link them hehhehhehheh~
just live your live ayyayyyayyyyy you steady chasin' that paper!~

my living room from here looks like a pathway to heaven.

caption: a picture of you and your ex on your friendster.

im into one of beyonce, neyo, christin millan songs. wierd isnt? if i were a boy by beyonce. us against the world by christina millan. mad by neyo. ok ok i know, this first two lines are like whatever. if you see me with this impression on my face, it means, somethings not right. granny bought me little miss naughty long pants for my bedtime, sweet kan die? theres like a green overall, bold and capital of "little miss naughty" all over, and little miss naughty herself. its really comfortable too.

does anyone want to be a sexologist when they grow up?

i like it when my face looks red in color. this is the nice version of me.
this is what i am before seven; when the angels went home, after seven.
ill put on my glasses, bcause i cant see.
this is what i am if you can see.

(0.0)

by the second picture, you can see that its not even pm. its still am. look to the bright side ey. this is so nonsensetriangleoligical.

i own blogger, livejournal, myspace, msn(?) so heres how the system goes.
blogger: more to daily lives
livejournal: more to how i feel
myspace: im into music 24/7
msn(?): private /even more private

sent and fetch A today. took 30 home (: the bus is freakin cold. im wearing A's sweater on now, and it feels warm. having flu at the same time, i dont like the part when the hingus wanna come out. its like tersumbat with tissue inside. i miss school. today is world aids day, what to do? its been awhile that the internet connection is slow, fwckit. im lack of respecting myself, someone, please send me to an overseas boot camp for teenagers, its a great pleasure. im into songs that put me to sleep. an estimated of 4 months to my birthday (7feb), ahahahaha.

recently, the new book by Sue Townsend is out. im a begging my parents to buy me this book for me. they said it was too expensive, deep down i cried. i know it cost around 30bucks, but at least a book. i hate it when they say 'next time'. damn, im dreaming for a book.

dear mom,
i just want a storybook by Sue Townsend really really bad.
its okay if you think its too expensive.
i can wait for next time(or never)
anyway i love you, mom.